I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
