watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
do herpes really smell.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
