im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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