You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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