Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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