i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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