Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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