last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
