it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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