The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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