Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
