please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
