you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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