Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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