how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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