I want to walk on stilts...naked
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
