Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
being pregnant is like rehab
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
