maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
