my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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