i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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