i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
