I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
