Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
