Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
