i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
