its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
