I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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