Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Are we still banned from the library?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
