i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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