she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
