I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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