mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
