he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
