There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
