I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
