bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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