I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
