I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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