They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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