dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
