My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
