Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
