My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
