I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
