Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
if only i could text you this smell
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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