I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
