I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I smell stomach acid.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
