I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
