Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
