respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
